Okay, I don't normally take the time to write a blog, but I feel the need to address the drama that is going down on TDF right now. First of all, I understand why people are angry. Really, I do. People are feeling hurt and betrayed, and I totally get that. The thing is, do we really want to let this destroy our beloved community? So, the mods had a secret forum where they ranted when they were angry. Is that wrong? Yes. But, you know, it's just as wrong that someone leaked it. See, moderating a forum is hard work, and what with all the shit that they have to deal with, it's natural that they would get frustrated and want to rant to one another. Are you honestly going to try to tell me that you've never talked about someone behind their back? I have. Half my friends have started out as people that I really didn't like, and I've even ranted about my best friends when I'm frustrated with them. Does this make it right? No. But it's human. And, guess what? Our moderators are just that. Human. They are allowed to make mistakes. And, yeah, this secret forum was probably a mistake. Maybe I'd be feeling more worked up if I had seen a post that said, "That Cinderanna is soooo annoying!" or something, but I don't really think so. I can't control what people think of me. And the thing is, ranting can be healthy. Sometimes it helps me get control of my feelings about a person's actions so that I won't explode at them and end up saying or doing something that I regret. It sucks if people find out about it, but I think that if the mods were talking in a secret forum, it probably helped keep them from snapping at every stupid mistake that one of us made and let them deal with us in a more responsible and rational manner. And maybe they should've confined that to MSN conversations, but they didn't, and that's a fact that we have to deal with. Do you know how many awesome, amazing members we have that were stupid n00bs when they joined? And do you know how many I internally bitched about or wanted to bash over the head with a metaphorical club? If I'd had a secret forum, I probably would have ranted there, too. Once again, human.
So, we have a choice. We can either allow this drama to destroy our wonderful community, or we can use this as a chance to get everything out in the open and start working toward a newer, stronger, better TDF. If people walk away now, what will that say about our community? Honestly, I don't think that this makes what TDF was to so many of us a lie or less meaningful. I still feel safe there. I mean, it's not like they were spreading all our deep secrets about the interwebs. And, yes, I wish the mods hadn't done this, but this doesn't make me think that they're horrible people. They're just humans who made a mistake, albeit a rather big one, and who are now paying the price. You can choose to leave if you feel that's what's really right for you, but think about what you can do if we all just work together to get through this. I love TDF, and I don't want to see it disappear forever. So, you choose. But think about what I've had to say. We have the power within our hearts to forgive those who have wronged us and move forward. I truly believe that we can do this, and I hope that all of you will think this through and join me in fixing these problems. Please, for all our sakes. Our moderators are not bad people, and we need to accept that they've screwed up and start moving forward.
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Skylar:
ReplyDeleteYes, people do make mistakes. Of course. I rant, I bitch, I backtalk. You've seen this before as well. The only difference here is that this is a :secret persistent: community where people continue to chime in, because they are safe.
If back talking members was an occasional thing, then, sure, that's one thing. They had over 700 pages over a little more than two years dedicated to the back-talking of members. That's basically a page a day or almost 20 posts. Split over about 7 members. A day.
This wasn't just a 'mistake' it was a lifestyle choice, something they chose to do every day of their life.
Quote for you Anna:
[Luna] ... is as annoying as fuck.
[Anna] is the most pathetic, sniveling rat of an attention whore ever. I'm too angry to tell her off for being such an idiot.
This was after you confessed that sometimes you wished you had a social-anxiety disorder. Check the time stamps.
They can apologize, yes (though Solo and Sun refuse to) but there is making a mistake and there is making hundreds. Fine line.
I don't wnant to destroy this community, but something radical does need to happen.
OR, we can all do as I do and just IGNORE this stuff. So people on TDF are squabbling. It's just a forum I go to.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't like what these people say about you in their spare time, don't be friends with them.
I was totally unaware of all of this. But now that I know - I don't really see what the big deal is. It reminds me of when I was in high school, and one friend was constantly angry at another friend. One friend was always reporting what another friend said about someone. Hurt feelings and anger were the result.
That doesn't happen any more, now that we live in the "real world". Why? Because we've learned two things:
a) Never say something bad about a friend that you would not say to their face, because they WILL find out
and
b) Reporting what someone said about someone else behind that person's back does no favours. You cannot be someone's "friend" and say hurtful things to them. Even if you are just quoting someone else. If you go to someone and say "Hey, so and so said you were fat. Aren't they jerks?" then really, you are just gratifying yourself. Trying to make this person like you more than they like so and so. But the thing is, people shoot the messenger. If you repeat such a thing, that person will never like YOU as much in the future either, because you were willing to hurt their feelings with knowledge that they could not change or alter. Saying something hurtful to someone else is NEVER okay. It is still SAYING SOMETHING HURTFUL. If you repeat what was said, you are JUST as in the wrong as the people who originally said it. Bad things said about other people should die in the abyss of the unheard. Repeating them, allowing others to hear them, only feeds their terrible power. Anyone who does that is wrong, too.
It seems like the mods are busy learning A, but the rest of the forum needs to learn B.